There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
