ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
