That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize