Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
