dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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