How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize