The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
