Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
