I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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