ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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