walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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