Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
