i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
