he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
