Only a mothe r could love this liver
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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