Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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