ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
