Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
