you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
