I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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