I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
