Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
