Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
