remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
