Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
