haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
