At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
