my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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