Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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