two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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