i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
