take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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