Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
