Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My day in three words: secret purse cake
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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