Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
