u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
