Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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