How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize