I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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