Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
