i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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