My nipple is on Facebook.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
