so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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