He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We need to rekindle our bromance
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i came on her dog
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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