I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I pour the whiskey from now on
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