why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
