Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
