Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
