i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
