so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
