Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
