I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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