Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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