Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize