I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I need to calm my uterus...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
