Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You peed on a flamingo?!?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
