Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
