Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
