Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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