i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
