Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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