i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
