i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
