She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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